A Diamond Necklace

I was looking for something in my jewelry box recently, and ran across a piece I had almost completely forgotten.   The diamond necklace from Brad. Brad and I dated for about two years.  We never lived together, and the relationship never got too serious, but we were “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” in our 30s.  He wasContinue reading “A Diamond Necklace”

Home for the Holidays

Even though this post was originally made 2 years ago, for the holidays in 2011, what we love still rings true today. My friend, whom I will call Bill, is divorced with two teenaged sons. The boys live in the marital home with their mom.  Bill still lives in the same town and sees theContinue reading “Home for the Holidays”

Cohabitation After Divorce

In an ironic twist on the old wives tale that living together before marriage would lead to divorce, there seems to be a growing trend of post-dissolution cohabitation, or – divorce leading to more couples living together after marriage.  Until the economy is on more solid footing, sometimes it just makes fiscal sense to combineContinue reading “Cohabitation After Divorce”

Why Am I Paying His Rent?

I met with a wife tonight who is ready for a divorce. They have exhausted the options for making the marriage work, but she cannot get him off the couch – literally – and she is ready to move on with her life.  She has asked him to move out, and he does not knowContinue reading “Why Am I Paying His Rent?”

My Favorite Types of Divorces

My favorite types of divorces: First, the childless divorce, second, the adult child divorce (with an asterisk). The first category, the childless divorce, is the one I recommend most strongly.  If you are married and plan to divorce please do not have children.  If you are unhappily married please do not have children.  If youContinue reading “My Favorite Types of Divorces”

What it means to see things from the other person’s perspective, and how it might help.

A woman called me last week devastated.  Her 28 year old husband told her he was going to visit his family in another state for a week. By the end of the week he called her and said he changed his mind, he is not returning. He wants a divorce.  (I am not exaggerating, theseContinue reading “What it means to see things from the other person’s perspective, and how it might help.”

What do kids want to know about divorce?

Children want to know a few things:  whose fault is it, what can I do to make this stop, when will we be a family again. Parents have an obligation to have their children understand these responses:  no matter whose fault it is, it is never, never the child’s fault and there is nothing theContinue reading “What do kids want to know about divorce?”

10 SENTENCES A DIVORCING PERSON MIGHT SAY

First, a quick refresher on the 5 basic ground rules to understanding (and loving) your divorce: 1.         DIVORCE SUCKS!! 2.         All spouses are monsters (including your spouse’s spouse). 3.         It does not matter whose fault it is.        4.         It is never too late. 5.         If someone’s life is in danger, get out now.  Figure theContinue reading “10 SENTENCES A DIVORCING PERSON MIGHT SAY”

Hi Honey, Let’s Get Divorced.

INFORMING YOUR SPOUSE, FAMILY AND FRIENDS How you tell someone about your divorce plays a large part in how he or she will react to the news.  If your spouse does not already know, try telling someone else, first, to practice what you will say.  Decide what your goals are:  to hurt your spouse?  ToContinue reading “Hi Honey, Let’s Get Divorced.”

Like the NFL, Divorce is a Team Sport

BEGIN NOW TO THINK OF DIVORCE AS A TEAM SPORT:  Divorce usually begins with a break down in what was supposed to be the ultimate team- the family.  So, it is easy to feel completely alone and outnumbered as we start the divorce process.  It feels as if there is no one to talk to,Continue reading “Like the NFL, Divorce is a Team Sport”