My Favorite Types of Divorces

My favorite types of divorces: First, the childless divorce, second, the adult child divorce (with an asterisk).

The first category, the childless divorce, is the one I recommend most strongly.  If you are married and plan to divorce please do not have children.  If you are unhappily married please do not have children.  If you are married and thinking of marrying someone else instead, please do not have the new person’s children until you are legally divorced from the old marriage.

If you are not married and thinking about marrying someone you will probably divorce please do not have children.  If you are marrying someone who your family sees as “all wrong” for you, and THAT is the crux of your attraction, please do not have children.

People frequently need to learn by doing.  My motto is, “Marry anyone you want, as often as you want.  Just do not have children if it is not a good marriage.”  Children will not fix a bad relationship; at best they will complicate it.  At worst, they will destroy all common sense their parents ever had.

If one is to divorce, do so before or instead of having children.  You will be doing those children (and yourself, and your family and friends, and your future spouse and children) a huge favor. 

If you are already married, and your children are already grown, feel free to get a divorce.  Expect to have some explaining to do, but not for the rest of your life.  Just once.  “But, I thought we had a happy childhood.”  Or, “No wonder I had such an unhappy childhood!”  Your (adult or minor) child’s questions should never be the reason you avoid a divorce. 

Asterisk:           If you have children and an unhappy marriage, you will probably not be doing them a favor by waiting for them to be adults before getting a divorce.  I am a firm believer that the younger a child is when his or her parents divorce, the easier it is for the child.  And, think, would you rather your children learn the hard lessons of a divorce?  Or learn that married people are supposed to be unhappy?

What We Love:  Uncomplicated clear-minded decisions made by informed adults.  Children can always come later.  New marriages can always come later.


Published by Sharon Oberst DeFala

Sharon Oberst DeFala has practiced low-impact safe divorce since 1992.

2 thoughts on “My Favorite Types of Divorces

  1. I love this blog! You are hilarious! This is so refreshing…considering what I have been through in the past 8 months with the WORST divorce. The advice is so true and poignant. Thanks for sunscribing to my blog. ~Asher

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