Opportunity for Personal Growth

Every divorce – not just a mediated one-is an opportunity for personal growth.

At its core, divorce is a transition from one lifestyle to another. From marriage (and its accompanying perks and deficits) to a new life, whether it is as an individual person, a single parent, or someone on the brink of a new relationship. Transitions (the intersections of life) are always the right time to take stock and make informed decisions going forward. Or – to continue the analogy – a time to look both ways.

The greater one’s willingness to consider what within themselves can now grow or be excised, the more benefit they derive from the experience. Whether you decided to divorce, or you were surprised by the revelation, it is still an opportunity for you to see a greater potential in your own future and map the path to get there. This is why I advocate for my clients to consider working directly with qualified mental health professionals throughout the divorce process, whether litigated or mediated.

The choices you made to bring you to this moment, whichever moment you are in right now, contain important evidence and information that–when mined correctly–can provide you with the instruction manual you need to achieve your next successes. Employing the forensic tools of a therapist, psychologist, coach, or other appropriately trained professional can help you garner the most wisdom that your divorce is offering you.

Anyone who goes through a major life change, which divorce always is, is well advised to dig around within that moment and find all of the available information they will need to make the next chapter in their lives more fulfilling, more uplifting, more empowering, and more vital. With these tools we continue to lift ourselves up, over and over indefinitely, no matter how large or small the transition of any given phase.

Still the value of a mediated divorce or the amicable negotiations that often accompany it, is not the same as the growth opportunities presented in a typical litigated divorce. Working together with a co-mediation team of a mental health professional and an attorney brings an integrated approach.

Amicable divorce allows both parties to help each other see into their strengths and areas for development. Who knows us better than our own spouses? And when those areas for improvement can be used to our advantage, and not our disadvantage, then we grow together all the more quickly and effectively.

It is common for litigating spouses to exploit each other’s weaknesses. In fact, exploiting each other’s weaknesses may be what led to the divorce in the first place. It is transcendent, however, for divorcing spouses to use this opportunity to lift each other up.

Here are some sentences that emanate from such a relationship: “You will be better off now because I will no longer be your crutch,” “I will be stronger now as I take more responsibility for the choices I made in our marriage.”These words of healing and redemption resonate long past any divorce process. These moments of rejuvenation and insight help set a different standard for the children who will in turn pass thats trength to their children.

What We Love: Every transition is an opportunity for growth, within ourselves and within those we care about.

Published by Sharon Oberst DeFala

Sharon Oberst DeFala has practiced low-impact safe divorce since 1992.

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