In olden days, times were hard..

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In olden days times were hard.

Our grandparents (or their grandparents) left countries where they were persecuted (or hungry, or poor, or worse). They gathered the belongings they could, clutched their children close to them, and climbed onto giant ocean liners to travel in extreme conditions for months and arrive in a new country where they did not know a soul, usually didn’t speak the language, and didn’t know how they would survive.

But they knew that they were giving themselves and more importantly their children and grand children a chance at a better life. Those brave people risked everything they knew. Each and every one of them, said to himself or herself, “there is more to life than this and I will find it for my children & myself, or die trying.”

And then they arrived in America where they were not given a house or a car. Sometimes their advanced degrees were meaningless. Sometimes they found family or sympathetic strangers to help them and guide them.  Sometimes they found unsavory characters and learned hard lessons.

But they succeeded. We live in a safe and prosperous country. We have plumbing, electricity, education, food, cars. Things the middle class in most countries still do not have. Our ancestors were right to risk it all and bring us here. And when we stop to consider what they faced and the choices they made, we are deeply grateful to them.

It may seem that we do not have to make the same types of choices in our own lifetimes. After all, we are already here. But every day in middle class homes all over America, people are living in hostile countries and are weighing the decision to risk it all and immigrate to a land of freedom and opportunity. These are the people who are considering, or experiencing, divorce.

Brave men and women are standing in their homes right now, and saying to themselves, “there is more to life than this and I will find it for my children & myself.”  (Luckily the “…or die trying part” is not part of the usual formula for divorce.)

And, as they begin their journeys, it is up to them to decide what they want to meet them on the other side.   Remember, you do not “need” a house, or a car to begin again and become successful.  It is up to these people to decide if they will keep as much cash as possible, or spend it on lawyers’ fees.  Will they hold on to their old house or car, or let that all be liquidated so they can travel more lightly?

Will they see the big picture – that freedom and happiness for this generation and for the subsequent generations, are of utmost importance? And when will they see it? Early in the process, so mediation goes smoothly?  Or only after they have sacrificed everything to the battle?

What We Love: In olden days times were hard; but in modern days life can get better as soon as we are ready to let it.

Published by Sharon Oberst DeFala

Sharon Oberst DeFala has practiced low-impact safe divorce since 1992.

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