Hunker Down – Here Come the Holidays!

D-ThanksgivingAs we all know, the end of the year brings with it all of the joys and excitement of the holiday season.  Unless you are going through a divorce.  Then it brings all of the “joys” and “excitement” of the holiday season.

Here is an excerpt from an email I just sent a client of mine who is embroiled in a nasty bit of drama with his (soon to be ex-) wife right now.

Let me just give a background note.  She is literally certifiable.  Her therapist told me so.   They have a high level of drama in their home on a frequent basis, with three young kids in the house seeing a lot of it.

Okay, now here is what I told him to get through the long holiday weekend…

The kids do not benefit from having two sources of drama and tension in their lives. One is more than enough.  There is nothing anyone else should be able to do that creates craziness within you.  You be the calm stable force that they need.

If you will not be with your children at any point over the holiday weekend, I recommend that you have a written accounting, in the mom’s own writing and signed by the mom, detailing where the children will be every day and night.

Where will they be on Thursday?  From what time until what time?  When should you expect them to be home?

Since the children will be with the mom’s family on Thursday, it is fair that they be with your family on Friday, and you need to be willing to give an exact timeline.  If she refuses, she needs to write down that she refuses to let the children see your family on Friday, and why.

Same thing for Saturday and Sunday – where will your children be?  What are the hours? When should you expect them to be home?

As much of this as she will write down for you, the better.  Give her plenty of space within which to write down her intentions and plans.

Please remember, whatever happens, you are both in this situation for the long haul.  Try to avoid pressing any buttons or escalating any drama.  And, as it is Thanksgiving, remember to take a moment to yourself for counting your blessings.

What We Love:  “Wise men count their blessings, fools count their problems.” – Michael Franti

Published by Sharon Oberst DeFala

Sharon Oberst DeFala has practiced low-impact safe divorce since 1992.

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